Life Is But a "Small" Case
The year of the Dog is, before I notice it, coming to an end. We are ushering in the year of the Boar.
We are about to celebrate another Lunar New Year’s Eve when the scenes of last year’s Spring Festival are still fresh in my memory. Times seem to pass extremely fast when we are no longer kids.
In 2018, I experienced many little doses of happiness while facing many hard times and turbulences. Looking back at the end of the year, I am filled with a myriad of emotions. Human beings are really tough creatures. You always work harder than you imagine and are able to take on more burdens than you think you could.
I used to think that we are successful only if we to live in the way expected by others. Therefore, I seemed to have fallen into a vicious circle: I worked hard incessantly in order to be accepted by others; if not, I would not regard myself good enough and become unconfident. However, it is unsteady to try to get your happiness and the sense of security by other people; you begin to deny yourself and become anxious for no reason.
Things went on until one day, an old friend who had not seen me for a long time called me and asked how I was doing recently. At that very moment I too wanted to ask myself: "Am I successful in my career and personal relations? Am I happy in my marriage and family? Do I enjoy life? Am I healthy both physically and mentally?" After asking myself these questions, I was sorry to be aware that I did not do a good job in many aspects. And it was to my surprise that these problems around me had nothing to do with anyone else. That is to say, I could have a happy, perfect life only if I become a better person, give full play to my wisdom, love and determination and work hard to the best of my abilities. Isn’t that the case?
All of a sudden, I felt as if I had been struck by a lightning.
It turns out that you are able to look after yourself only if you begin to pay attention to yourself and return to the inside. Never try to live in other people’s eyes just because you wish to be a perfect, faultless person, or you will end up in being a person you dislike the most. Don’t impose too many restrictions on yourself. In fact, you can make a difference in your life if you forget the pains and the comparison, fear not to lose anything, remember forever your dreams, passion and hope, and bravely stride forward to achieve your dreams. Don’t be too calculating nor turn back whether it will be a bad situation. Believe you can always be where you wish to if you work hard for it.
When I grow older, I have more and more connections with the world and become increasingly aware that I am not a perfect person and there will always be things I can not do well. It is just quite normal. There is no need to blame myself. Never stop to find your merits because of too high a self-requirement, nor live in the past and be entangled with the old days. Live a worthy life for the present moment. Think independently. Show consideration for others. Know where your limitations and boundaries lie and what your talents are. Have a desire to burst, and yet make sure you do not lose control. Know the worldly business, while avoid being a worldly person. Maintain self-respect. Know when to go and when to stop. This is, it seems to me, the way to be your best self.
The old teaching says, “A true gentleman should cultivate his person, regulate his family, rightly govern his state, and then the world will be given peace.” We can see the importance of self-cultivation because it is put in the first place. Self-cultivation includes three things: the cultivation of your heart, of your nature and of your conduct. You are able to take a correct attitude toward all the adversities in life only if you are strong enough. You are your own master if you know what to choose and when to give up, do all that is humanly possible while leaving the rest to God, restrain yourself being greedy and making unwarranted demand, learn to be tolerant, know when to advance and when to retreat, keep your head cool whether bestowed with favor or subjected to humiliation, never be carried away by success nor be upset by failure, and try to feel the inner tranquility and the delights of life.
Life is short. It is hard and yet important to do things you like, read books you like, and become infinitely closer to the way you like.
Year after year, everyone has been growing. When you grow, you get injured and yet become stronger while staggering along all by yourself.
In quite a long time after my maternity leave, I was trying hard to cope with the changes brought by my new identity. On one hand, because of the chores in looking after my baby and the quickly increasing expenses and constant lack of sleep, I was consuming too much of my strength and energy these days, causing a considerable mental tension. On the other, I was not used to the big gap between a busy working schedule to a sudden relax, with a decline in my attention and memory. I was not able to work as effortlessly as I used to. At the same time, I had to learn new knowledge as soon as possible to catch up with the fast-growing company. I felt a sense of powerlessness and urgency stronger than ever. After a long period without working I found it a little difficult to communicate with my colleagues who talked about things with which I was unfamiliar. Meanwhile, I would feel inexplicably guilty to see my baby son growing up day by day while I hardly have enough time to be with him… I became extremely anxious under these manifold pressures which could be understood only by those who had personally experienced them. As a result, I did not do a good job in either work or family, leading to an even greater mental stress. To make things worse, I did not have the time to handle the stress. I tried to talk to my friends or colleagues, but they were too busy to listen or just couldn’t understand what I was saying. I was afraid that they too were affected by my negative emotions. Unwittingly I began to lock myself up, hoping to heal myself by gradual self-adjustment.
Luckily, the extremely difficult period of time for me did not last long, thanks to the penetrating observation of Dennis. As a reliable veteran who has an insight into everything, he awakens me by saying, “Don’t hurry! Take your time.”
Try to adapt slowly if you find it hard to do so. Embrace all the changes with an open mind.
In addition to their own conditions, female workers who have just had babies are generally believed to put in their energy in child-rearing and therefore will not be given important tasks. This is really disappointing. However, if we look at it from a different angle, we will consider it as a normal phenomenon. Besides, child-rearing requires for the first place a lot of energy and time. Parents should pay more time to be with their little babies, who will grow up before you know it. The times when your babies are able to sit, crawl, walk and talk take place only once. And my colleagues around me show particular understanding and care to me at work, giving me ample time and space to finish the transformation.
My mind becomes clear when I have thought it through.
Therefore, I try hard to adjust my frame of mind and begin to learn again engineering software such as CAD and SolidWorks and the Microsoft Office, trying to achieve maximum results by minimum effort. I make intense effort in English learning and revision. At the same time, I pay a lot of attention to business trends and read professional books in relevant fields…I can do a better job in my work in the coming days, I believe, only if I am fully prepared.
I have made friends with a number of working moms. I have frequent conversations with them while encouraging each other. I try to find time for myself, even so short a period as to have a hot bath or listen to a song. This really makes me feel happier. And I can deliver happiness to my kid whole-heartedly only when I am happy myself. Slowly I am aware that it is a demanding task to look after a baby, but I am also taught many new things by my kid. I am not a perfect mom, but I will go on and try to be one.
In fact, everyone will have an extremely hard time in some stage of his/her life. However, you will find it no more than an ordinary case when you look back on it when it is over one day. When you were at extremely depressed hours, you would expect to be encouraged by others and would invariably feel better no matter how tiny the encouragement was. However, you always braved it out by yourself. Those hard hours would be history one day, and what would be left are your experience and growth.
From then on, you will be courageous enough to face all the adversities with honor.
We are all common dream-weavers, who taste both the sweetness and bitterness of life. We are often pumped up by ourselves at one moment and discouraged by the reality the next moment. Very disappointing, isn’t it? However, this is exactly what life is about. The type of life you will have depends on whether you have worked hard for your dream and whether you remain true to your original aspiration after being discouraged. Remember: To work hard is not a shame, but to give yourself up and to escape are. We are made stronger by whatever cannot destroy us.
Always be yourself with your own elegance and attitude.
Always give some joy, warmth, strength and courage to yourself.
Always be passionate on a journey to which there is no end.
Look ahead, and you will see the bright sunlight.
闫京亚 Jane Yan
Jane graduated from Shanghai University majoring in Mechanical Engineering, and joined CNOOD in July 2014. She is at once a sentimental female engineer and a dependable Taurus. She works hard and loves life. She wishes to resonate with the unique organization by her usual sincerity and original aspiration of making continuous progress.
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